I was recently invited to a naked yoga class by a friend. I’ll be honest, I don’t love my body, so the prospect of doing naked yoga was daunting.
So of course, I said yes. How could I not when at the simple thought of it, my pulse quickened? It made me feel uncomfortable, and thanks to my philosophy of ‘no fear,’ I had no choice.
I’m not going to lie. It was weird at first being naked in front of my computer (Did I mention it was a video-virtual class? Yes, it was!). I only knew one other person in the class, and I’m not sure if it’s worse that the class was filled with random people I never met or not.
The class went well I got a nice workout, I got some stretching done, and at the end I was glad it was over. I thanked the instructor, and I signed off. It was later on that night that I realized I felt a little raw. Upon further reflection, I think part of my hesitation to do the naked yoga was more due to some personal history, than actually about being naked.
I used to date a woman who was a yogi. I attended a couple of her classes when we were dating, but most of the yoga I did with her was in other teachers’ classes. I realize that I had done so much yoga with her, that the idea of going to yoga class brought up memories of her. After I realized this I gave it some thought, and I thought about my ex.
I’m actually looking forward to the next naked yoga class, and I hope that when I do it I won’t feel as uncomfortable as I did the last time. I think it’s fine to feel uncomfortable sometimes, as long as I know why am feeling uncomfortable. I certainly miss my ex-girlfriend and the joy that we shared when we were living together and dating, but instead of not wanting to do yoga because it reminded me of her, I’m going to try to enjoy yoga and enjoy that it reminds me of her.
I think in general, I miss my ex partners and the things we used to do together. I’m certainly happier now than I’ve ever been in my life with my current partners, but that doesn’t mean that I need to turn off my emotions regarding my ex partners. I imagine that my exes miss certain parts of the relationship they shared with me as well, and I hope that they too are happier in their new lives without me. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever hear from them again, and most the time I decide that I probably won’t. I’m okay with that, but I’ll always remember them when I do yoga, or take a rowboat onto a lake, or set up a tent in the living room.